i never believe what you say
because you’ve convinced me
that everything i spew has been
lies, deceit, ****, self-hatred, abusive.

i never ask you questions
because you’re not there, still,
to even answer the phone when i need
somebody, anybody, are you listening?

i never look too closely anymore
at the things you have to show me
because you never wanted me to see
as much as you wanted me blinded

to everything you really are,
and that i could be.