Ever since I was a child
I slept with my baby blanket
It was my only source of comfort
When I grasped onto it, I felt safe
But then I met you
And I realized I didn't need my baby blanket anymore
You were my only source of comfort
When I grasped onto you, I felt safe
I fell in love with you
We would lie in bed,
And I would trace the planes of your chest
And I would swim in your veins
I knew your body better than I knew my own
And its only now, as I’m typing this that I realize that you never knew my body
You never traced my scars
You didn't drown in my veins
You didn't count my freckles
You grew distant
I would kiss your neck and run my fingers through your hair
It was my silent plea
I was begging you to stay with me
Then one day, you came over
I went straight to my bed, ready to start the ritual
I was dry and I was eager to swim again
But you just stood by my door
And traced the frame with your fingers, refusing to look me in the eye
I was worried, thousands of thoughts running through my head
You were a coward
You whispered the words that ended my world
I now understood why you never bothered to memorize my body
You were too busy memorizing someone else’s
And you watched me
As the color flooded out of my face,
You watched me hit the floor
You watched me cry
You never once met my eyes
You watched my world fall apart and you just left
Walked out of my room, as silent as a winter night
You never uttered the words “I’m sorry”
I died right in front of you, and you didn't do a thing
Every day I have to see you with her
My mouth fills with a bitter taste every time I see you kiss her
You flaunt your love in my face
And I feel ashamed
Stupid
Ignorant
That I gave you my mind, body, and soul
I memorized everything about you
What you ate for breakfast, your nervous ticks, and the way you flexed your hands when you were angry
And you gave me nothing
You tricked me
Your body tricked me into thinking it lived for my body
Starved for my body
Your words tricked me into loving you
You told me you loved me
But you don’t even know the meaning
I feel used
I gave you everything
You were my first
My world
My light
My life
And you gave me
Nothing
You are no longer my comfort
But the nightmare that haunts my once pleasant dreams
Sometimes, I still imagine you lying next to me
But then I feel even more alone
Because it was all a lie
You are now the fire that fuels my hatred
You are what made me hate this bitter world
And I will never forgive you
You used me
Lied to me
You are no longer my comfort
And I find myself missing my blanket more and more with each passing day