Are you aware of how much you interest me?
Probably not, that would be stupid.
What would a teacher have to do with his student?
Nothing.

But, regardless of that, you manage to catch
my wandering eyes anyway
because, after all of my watching, I've noticed
you seem different from my other teachers.

There is no attempt to provide perfection
or even the sham of one
when you talk, or write, or walk
unlike those I've met before.

You are awkward, anxious occasionally, funny often
like a human, not like a teacher
it's comforting, and yet not
because I fear failing in front of you.

For you who is so different, the pressure
to do better, to make you see me and praise me at all
smothers me with gaining frequency
so much so, in fact, that I have become a bit pretentious.

I interrupt others, and when you reprimand me,
I feel like the world is sinking around me.
My reactions are harsh and awkward at the same time,
and I cannot help if I lose it.

So, I am sorry for failing to be the best like I promised myself
or be the kindest, or the student you like the most.
All of these promises I made selfishly
without a thought to what any of it may entail.

I know you don't pick favorites, I know this now,
and I mean next to nothing to you because I am just a child you teach
and that I will never be your friend or someone important
all of these things I know far too well.

But... you are the most interesting teacher, person, human
that I have seen in a long while
I just... wanted to let you know that you have made a difference for me
and that it would make my day if maybe one day you could... notice me.

That is what I want more than almost anything. It's selfish and stupid and unreasonable.

I'm sorry.