I'm doing it again. I'm missing the point. I need to open myself to this world Not like a flower that blooms only at night Not cautiously But entirely. If I am going to do this I need to do this. I am still afraid. I can feel it seizing up my heart, Making me huddle in around it as if something from the outside is hurting it. I need to pry my arms away, Unlock my ribcage and breathe deep, I need to say I will accept every outcome. I need to remember That I have come far That there was a time not long ago When all this armor hadn't even been imagined Never mind forged. When I crawled exposed through the embers And emerged whole Anyway. I need to remember that I have come far And that I am going farther. I can't stop here Just because something has finally made me feel. I need to accept. Accept that I may be let down But that I can't prepare for it. Accept that I could lose everything I've dreamed of But that at least I had it for a moment. Accept that I may never know why I get only fleeting nights of happiness, Just enough to whet the appetite of the starving soul in here. If I am going to be vulnerable I need to be vulnerable. I need to do it all the way, no holds barred, no fears held, Nothing. I need to drive my misery away when I am ignored. I need to dissolve my terror when I am forgotten. I need to have faith that if all this time Through all these months She couldn't forget me entirely That I am not so easy to shake off As I think I am. I don't know if I can do this. I have never tried it. I've been told all my life that it is foolish But I've been shown all my life That it is the only way I will be happy. I need to give everything I have to this world And then I need to trust it not to take everything from me.