i am alone.
    no really, this time i am.
there's nobody else here.
   be careful what you wish for.
nobody to stop me
    i can't be saved from myself.
i am going          to crack


        blood will spill
from these
                    pretty white wrists
onto         the bathroom          floor
my    mom                     spent
    so         much time        working on
to make perfect
            unlike
her imperfect
                   daughter


mom i'm sorry
you had to come home to this
mom i'm sorry
i could never be what you wanted
mom i'm sorry
i've caused you so much pain
mom i'm sorry
for making you pick up the pieces
mom i'm sorry
i smashed them after you finally go them back together

dad
you were never here
but i know you wanted to be
and i'm sorry you couldn't
i'm sorry
i never appreciated you
(i'm sorry
i failed you, too)

i'm sorry
i thought you could fix me
and got angry
when you couldn't
and left.
i'm sorry
i caused you so much pain
and blamed it all on you.
i'm sorry
i'm not who i promised you
i would be.
i'm sorry
i never came back
even though i promised i'd never leave
i'm sorry
for every single thing
i ever did to you

                                                                                   "don't be sorry"
                                                                             yeah, okay.

i wonder what life would have been like
if we had worked out
i wonder if i'd be miserable
or you'd be miserable
i wonder how long it would take us
to hate each other
(i wonder if you hated me when you broke up with me)
i wonder if i was ever good enough for you
or if you were ever good enough for me
i'm sorry about your dad, too
                                                                                         i hope i don't see him when i go

you killed me
you took the blade
and you ran it down my skin
you pierced it
you watched
and you decided it wasn't enough
you took a sharper one
and even though i was still bleeding
you ran it down my arm

                                                                                                     "i'm sorry for hurting you."
                                                                                    if that were true, you would have stopped.

and this time
there is nothing stopping me
and i can feel it
and i can see it
but then
   i remember
               her

(and i can't
do any of it)

so i take a breath
and the razor falls
and i am not alone
        *not this time