sometimes
i suppose i am happy.
like when i am out with my friends,
throwing my head back and covering my mouth
as i shake with laughter
at a joke someone just made.

but the days turn into nights
and my grin will turn into unexplainable sadness
worn on my face like a tattoo.
then i lay in bed
thinking about all of my past mistakes
that i am too afraid to admit.

it's nights like this when i realize
i am many things
i am happy and sad
jealous and proud
excited and anxious
and i am still wondering how that could be.

-k.m.