something is stirring. keeping me awake.
whirling inside me.
the groanings of my prayers that can't be expressed in words.
i have to let it out.
my spirit is clawing out in hunger.
reaching for food from Your hands.
crying out to learn the real meaning of Love.
the strength to smile at the unfaithful
the courage to welcome the desolate.

my whole life, i've been near dead on the inside.
knowing the basics, the foundations of You
but never up to par
never where i should be
i haven't yet felt the fire in my bones,
the outpouring holiness,
the purity of my cleansed soul,
but i can sense it's so near.

named after wisdom, but can't learn the second and third steps.
i have felt that i must have been doing something wrong
for so long
i can't shut it out
i can't turn a deaf ear to it any longer
my God
you have known me from the womb, you have loved me before i was even conceived
a babe, called Your daughter
who could ask a greater priveledge?

and yet
i sit.
and strain my ears
and rasp at my throat but there are no words
to truly describe these feelings.


rest assured
you'll get no sleep from my eyes
until these holes are filled
until these flaws are made whole
until these walls are broken down
when the day comes where You make Yourself real to me
the day i've been longing for
the day i hear Your will and your power
your unfailing love
i will become Your servant at the highest extent of my ability
i will not falter
i will stay faithful

i can't afford
to stray from You
ever again.

Love is near.
Love is REAL.
Love is here to stay.
Forever.

I WILL STAY FAITHFUL