conversation between god and the devil
GOD i’m not perfect
DEVIL how refreshing to hear
GOD i learn from man’s mistakes the more daring their errors the more valuable to my wisdom
DEVIL yes and i the same
GOD but you reward man’s faults encourage transgression endorse corruption heinous crime cannibalism
DEVIL i merely imagine scenarios then pass them along (pause) mankind dutifully complies
GOD you’re such a sick *******
DEVIL your language is appalling
GOD i remember now why i kicked you out of heaven
DEVIL i was your best angel
GOD you were good but too ambitious hungry to take what i created turn it into perverse menagerie
DEVIL i would have made a great god just not as tight-ass as you
GOD my child you’re a very sick angel
DEVIL you made me
GOD i gave you every opportunity spared no expense camp clothes psychiatrists tutors sent you to the finest private schools
DEVIL you were so busy creating your own image you never had time for me
GOD what are you saying
DEVIL you neglected loving nurturing me strengthening my vulnerabilities i have no self-respect esteem you insisted i was to blame weak bad you were always right correct never questioning your methods tearing down my dreams insisting on your own plans always judging accusing me punishing me unnecessarily severely you were cruel
GOD you’re pointing a finger at me
DEVIL no i built my own world based on your lack of concern respect sympathy
GOD i’m supposed to feel guilt
DEVIL i’m simply suggesting if you hadn’t been so critical expectant demanding if you’d spent a little more time caring for your creations instead of constantly occupying yourself with your latest ascension
GOD how dare you question me
DEVIL there you go god supreme pompous conceited full of yourself
GOD that’s hitting below the belt what’s with the red black leather motorcycle jacket (pause) Michael Jackson?
DEVIL i look good in red and black (pause) who gave you the right to sit on high throne you’re fallible just like me yet everybody bows to you shuns me i deserve more appreciation
GOD oh god
DEVIL listen to you calling upon your own self majesty
GOD this is going nowhere
DEVIL fine you go back to your fluffy gated community and i’ll go back to my scorching miserable cave dungeon
GOD you ungrateful child
DEVIL i’ll always be a thorn in your side
GOD i’m exhausted i’m calling in Jesus he can deal with you
DEVIL i realize you did what you thought was best but you’re old god and such a profound disappointment
GOD you ********* kid you’re getting on my nerves i’m done with parenting done with you done done done i’m sending in Jesus
DEVIL good maybe he’ll be more compassionate
GOD go to hell (presses button) security!
DEVIL you so ineffective
conversation (monologue) between god and me
ME i apologize for praying to you so seldom i need your blessings strength wisdom can you hear me
GOD (no answer)
ME i know you may not exist yet i need you (pause) my life is too crazy i need to pray
GOD (no answer)
ME i want love happiness harmony peace resolve
GOD (no answer)
ME please god i need your help i admit i’m troubled tangled with knotty history
GOD (no answer)
ME i suffer anxiety attacks nightmares disturbing thoughts ******* memories
GOD (no answer)
ME in a dream last night a pretty girl said don’t put your hand in your pants mommy wants to be there for you let mommy do it
GOD (no answer)
ME why did she say that i already have a mother i don’t need another what did she mean what is my mind telling me
GOD (no answer)
ME i apologize for talking to you this way
GOD (no answer)
ME it’s a beautiful dawn thank you god
GOD (no answer)
conversation between death and me
ME i’ve thought about you since i was a kid i think about you everyday
DEATH what are you a stalker
ME i’ve been waiting for you
DEATH everybody is waiting for me
ME i wish things were different
DEATH everybody wishes things were different
ME you’re cold
DEATH vichyssoise is served cold i’m merely lifeless
ME vichyssoise? i’m weary exhausted you could have taken me years ago what took you so long
DEATH i’m simply visiting not ready to receive you
ME why do you haunt me
DEATH shush up you still have lots to learn
ME is this god’s doing?
DEATH (no answer)
ME hello
DEATH i’m here to warn you your life is slipping away i’ll be back sooner than you realize (pause) later dude
ME wait i have questions
DEATH (no answer)
ME is there peace in death or is it continual respawning tell me please
DEATH (no answer)
conversation between myself and i
I why am i the way i am
MYSELF you’re asking me?
I yes
MYSELF maybe because you’re messed up deep inside
I messed up how?
MYSELF messed up since you were a little boy
I why or how did i get so messed up can i change
MYSELF i suspect it may be too late
I you mean there’s no hope
MYSELF i didn’t say that perhaps if you found a loving relationship and worked your problems out through it
I my problems?
MYSELF yes (pause) you know your self deceptions lies selfishness stubbornness the list goes on
I i beg your pardon what list
MYSELF don’t use that tone of voice with me you’re getting argumentative
I who else is culpable but you
MYSELF there you go placing blame
I i’m confused
MYSELF yes obviously
I i need your help not some clever repartee
MYSELF how can i help you
I maybe if we stuck together instead of always questioning arguing i feel so conflicted
MYSELF you want me to be a yes man
I i didn’t say that i mean if we could simply agree and be more loving devoted to each other
MYSELF (no answer)
I do you understand what i’m saying
MYSELF yes i understand i just don’t know what to say
I you could start by saying you’re with me behind me and we’ll tackle this together ok
MYSELF i’m with you behind you and we’ll tackle this together ok
I are you making fun of me
MYSELF no i’m serious i think we’re due for a reckoning or sacred pact the question is are you capable strong enough seriously intent on working together and not crumbling into a mess
I me! you’re accusing me
MYSELF oh shut up i mean us can we please just get along
I i promise i will do my best
MYSELF thank you
conversation between the devil and me
a bar somewhere evening
DEVIL notice the 2 women sitting at table both quite lovely the older brunette is stunning yet the blond has youth check out her lengthy legs broad shoulders sweet smile
ME yes i see them
DEVIL if you had your pick which would you choose
ME i don’t know i need to meet them flirt talk sense chemistry discern which one is more interested in me
DEVIL stop thinking about them as people just look at them as commodities now tell me which would you pick
ME oh god i can’t look at them that way it’s wrong
DEVIL don’t be naïve observe their delectableness now choose
ME i don’t know
DEVIL the brunette has a higher aesthetic value the blond will never be as attractive but the brunette is more fixed in her ways the blond more vulnerable to persuasions think about the blonde’s eager tender body imagine her sweet young odors then consider the brunette’s experienced skills her seasoned fragrance
ME this is ill you’re ill
DEVIL humor me which do you pick
ME uhhm how can you know the brunette is more fixed in her ways or the blond more vulnerable
DEVIL shut up and pick one
ME i can’t participate in this twisted rendering
DEVIL step up to the plate girlie ******
ME ***** you
DEVIL is that an invitation
ME you sorry son-of-a-bitch
DEVIL quit this sweet altar boy **** be a man pick one
ME ok fine i choose both i want to kiss pet go down on the blond while the brunette ***** and ***** me and the whole time you lick my ***
DEVIL impressive i underestimated you
ME more like you overvalue yourself what is the usefulness of seeing people the way you do it’s sad base disgusting
DEVIL forgive me my rudiments entrapping i merely wanted to see what you were capable of
ME i’m capable of saying no to you
DEVIL that’s too bad you were more fun flexible when you were younger more vulnerable to persuasions
ME people change but not you you’re still the same groveling wicked pervert
DEVIL you would know