My own apathy terrifies me.

How much do I care?
Not enough.
How much do I care?
Not enough.
How much do I care?
Not enough.


And the worst part is
That measurement isn't borrowed
It comes from my own jug but when I wasn't looking
Someone poured out all the motivation and compassion.

I had a dream my mother was dying
I woke up with overflowing eyes
Not because I was sad
But because in the dream I didn't care and I knew I was supposed to.

I broke my brother's arm by launching him into the air and
Forgetting that he had only his own
Fragile body to land on top of no that's a lie
I didn't forget but I though he broke his neck
And when the siren started blaring
I knew that wasn't it and
I didn't feel so sad anymore.

Don't get the wrong idea
I'm not a completely cold-hearted *****.

This I know because I cry watching Anastasia
Every
*******
Time
I donate to charity
And don't let them give me the sticker to prove it
I love small children and animals! That's a lie
I've had to clean up ***** from both of those groups.

And I've never made myself throw up but sometimes
I forget to eat that's a lie
I just can't be bothered
Am I lethargic because that's typical of a teenager
Or am I
Only classed as typical teenager because I'm lethargic?

I lie on my bed as still as a corpse
And never once
Think about death because
Why does it matter?

That's the only question
He doesn't have an answer to
Because I swear
This boy is the second coming of
Socrates
He makes me think of
Shakespeare
And knowing i'm going to see him the next day is like waiting for
Santa Claus.

My own empathy terrifies me.

How much do I care?
Too much.
How much do I care?
Too much.
How much do I care?
Too much.


And the worst part is
The possibility
That he might care about me too.