It's at 10:30.
10:30 when I realize who I really am.
I realized how hard I try to make everyone like me.
How hard I try to fit in.
How hard I try to be this loud obnoxious girl, with this big boastful bad attitude.
Is that me?
I don't really know.
It was about 10:14.
10:14 when I realized what someone I trusted with my most confined thoughts and feelings
Thought about me.
Annoying.
Super.
Annoying.
Am I?
The problem.
The problem is that I do not know who I am.
There for I am not sure how to fix it.
I do not know how to guide myself into the right.
Why not?
Why can't I stay happy?
What happens in my mind?
Does something break? Or snap?
And then reform.
Then break or snap again?
What is it?
Why?
What do I keep letting hold me back?
Why am I so lost?
Who is wiling to answer these questions?
I want to scream into the wind.
I want the wind to pick me up and carry me away into abyss.
No one will find me.
I can be alone with my thoughts and my words.
I can write all the colors in the sky.
When I write about happy things. I am happy.
I can feel it.
But how do I get myself to do it when all the floods my mind is upset words.
I cannot swim in this any longer.
I can feel myself drowning.
But I know that I will save myself at the last second.
Because that is what I was made to do.
Save.
From all the harsh and cruel things that life is.
From myself.
10:38.  
10:38 I realized how jumbled and confused all of this is.
Just like my life.
Everything is a mess.
10:39.
10:39.
Save me from this mess.
Carry me home.
I am tired.
I am so tired.
10:39
Just let me be alright.