is it OK to want that?

I ask myself that much too much

desires I'm afraid to touch

I keep them at a distance

I lock them up

with chains of fear

I cannot look at that

not here

not now

not I

that is not me

I look away

I cannot see

I cannot be

this person that I fear and hate

I can't relate

to all the parts of me

that I dissociate from

hide away from

all the things I should not be

that make me feel

afraid of me

I cast away

but where I turn

away from me

I cast my shadow