Looking at you is like looking at a marvelous building
a skyscraper, glassy windows and no clue as to what's inside
your words cut me sharper than any knife I've ever seen
you get angry and take it out on me,
say things like
don't ever talk to me again
you're a stupid *****
...yet I'm still here
the words hurt because they have value
I believe what you say because you're my escape
so when I hear the meanness...
it feels like my every insecurity is being reinforced
being around you doesn't make me nervous
- it makes me alert
- present
- emotional
- emotionless
I never know what I'll feel because you're so unpredictable in your ways
your entry into my life changed me
it changed my perceptions of people and culture and the future
and you nailed your thoughts in so deep
that even when you're not here
your opinions are
knowing that you've suffered only makes me suffer
it makes me weaker and it makes my sympathize with silly nothing when I should be focusing on my own problematic existence
you make my days revolve around 96th street, figuratively, that is...or not
you're motivation and anticipation and hope
you're every adjective in my vocabulary and that's disgusting because now I look like one of "those" people
dreaming of you leaves me restless rather than rested
and everything we have in common
sparks either a "*******" or "love you"
never "love"
I'm afraid someone may take my place because I regard you highly
and you know that
I don't know the same
you're too old to be the way you are
and we're both too old to do this again
"this" being "us" or...
you hurt me, all the time
be my friend if you cant love me because I need to be unfolded and wrapped up
I've done all the warming and holding and now I'm lost
so help me find myself
you've done it without knowing it before...
so be with me again
so that I can be strong and in your room
where we can talk about the future
forever...