which perpetrators most likely find quite funny

Super ******* and sons of ******* wantonly deceive
easily earning the sobriquet nefarious charlatans heave
vainly doing devilish deeds done dirt cheap and leave
a broke bloke (such as writer of these words)
whereby he doth perceive
sudden horror and nothing short of a cyber thieve.

Donald ***** and Philip Stevens
pose as legitimate senior
customer service representative/
relation officers who
(may be savvy with accredited learning) apply
a misleading electronic address as follows -
onlineservices.citizensalert@gmail.com,
but any resemblance
between said imposters
and gurus of bonafide money world
and living person purely coincidental,
(who may sport countless other aliases
possibly one and the same individual),
whom thee dear reader
may have unfortunately encountered online
bank on hoodwinking with tricks of their trade
deserve to get their just desserts,
and finds me referencing the comedy duo
of Laurel and Hardy ofttimes incorporating
their most iconic
and frequently used catchphrase:
"Well, here's another nice mess
you've gotten me into!"
and said tagline describes to a Tee,
how yours truly felt after dealing
with the aforementioned individuals
I consider scoundrel(s).

Upon inquiring at Citizens Bank headquarters
none of the head honchos
within the upper echelons of management
recognized above broached names,
nevertheless I derive pleasure
courtesy character assassination
ennobling nasty, brutish and short
(a famous quote
from Thomas Hobbes's Leviathan,
where he describes life
in a hypothetical
"state of nature" without government)
fiends able, eager and ready
to bleed financially dry
with bluster any individual
that can be manipulated
to believe that apothegm
if something seems too good to be true
then most likely sinister motives
figuratively trod underfoot.

The technique to incorporate
hook, line and sinker
falsely claiming that a username
or password warrant immediate attention
(as applies to the sensitive
and delicate nature of checking
and/or savings account information)
which figurative foxes in sheep's clothing
will be more than eager
to resolve said "false" glitch
by surrendering such sensitive data
to these self proclaimed Messiahs.

I feel dumbfounded
not only at the crass chicanery
to dupe me,
(who rarely questions the blunt request
to acquire sensitive data
such as passwords
or even sending a copy
of a debit card)
barely giving second pause
at the sheer chutzpah
of derelicts to rob yours truly
of his measly money,
but also chide myself
for being so oblivious
to "red flags"
such as a supposedly
"fake" Citizens Bank employees
emailing me at all hours
of the day and night
inveigling one poor sucker
to relinquish (analogous to keys
of a safe being willingly handed over
without deliberation, hesitation,
petification, and trepidation),
and wonder when
will I ever learn
to be more perspicacious
to now self evident truths
about the wily wicked ways
of scam artists totally
adrip with malicious motives,
which as an aside require me
to update all the merchants
(not necessarily of Venice)
and vendors linkedin
to the compromised debit card.

Adieu from: Matthew Harris