i have never before
had to fight so **** hard.
never before,
i have never been so surrounded.
so loved.
but i have never felt
so alone.
each breath feels like a mountaintop.
there isn't enough air,
i'm not strong enough.
all this time.
so much pride.
all rooted in my strength.
when i had nothing,
no one,
at least i was strong.
                                                                  it seems to have run out on me now.
i just want this to go away.
this feeling,
this agonizing darkness.
i'm drowning in it.
and i'm trying so hard.
so ******* hard to breathe.
but it's like no matter what i do,
no matter how hard i try,
this current keeps pulling me back.
suffocating me.
again.
and again.
it never fails.
i keep trying,
but i can feel myself giving in,
giving up.
my limbs are sore
and my soul aches.
it's all been too much
going on for too long.
                                                           ­                      something isn't right in me.
i just want to stand on a country road.
in the middle of the night.
in the middle of a snowstorm.
i want to see headlights coming for miles.
and i don't want to move.