The successes of others who've long since forgotten me are overjoying
You were my dream, but I preferred my nightmares
The ability to remain scared of what's possible, yet you cared
You would coo in my ear as your fingers flowed through my hair
My lost ones are successes yet I'm trapped in the recesses
Of my memory soliloquies the harmonies of being tortured mentally
Constructs of what's dressed up as angels yet hell struck
You fled from the inferno to an apple of grandeur and banter and slander
If anyone were to stand tall through cancer it would be you, its truth
You're the beautiful black angel, from a black heaven, with red and black shoes
I only wish I could've bought them and put them on to you
Before that though I would soak a towel in soapy water to clean each foot
Then we could've had mixed little kids like we planned through our youth
Although you were older you treated me like a nurse treats a soldier
You catered to my whims even when the lights got dim
And through the thick of moans and groans your light always shined
You were home; a light house, a star which tore through the night sky
You were Michael Jackson's Thriller and you had no filter
You were Naomi Campbell even when life was in shambles
You were a beacon of hope I had so long searched for in dirt
You, firefly, were born not to cry or to be trampled by hurt
Yet you did as a result of me, sweet serenity, due to my lines traced with lies
I was your love, the heavens above, in human form, to adore
You were rich in soul and mind although I was poor
You would still give me passwords to your front door
Even if I wouldn't let you touch my cell phone
Funny how things have changed now that I've grown
After you found out I was in a tryst with another lover you suffered
You screamed and tears fell as you told me to…
“Go to Hell, how could you do all this **** to me Gabriel?!"
I have the name of an angel and a voice to lend charm
But I'm nothing but a hoofed devil walking slowly to cause harm
You were never armed our prepared for what was in my heart
The darkness was never going to let you become apart
I had a void that couldn't be filled with your love
Your tears grew heavier and landed to the ground as blood
I know you're better than Eve because you'll bite that apple and win
And I still think of you every time the light dims
Although I know you have a new him
One day I hope I get famous so you'll have to hear my hymns
To make you witness my lack of self-forgiveness
To, for the first time in my life, lend you full attention
This is what I say to justify my intentions, when in fact I'm being selfish
I'm selfish because I want you still
I want to feel your lips and give you the same love that you felt
To adore you and hold you the same way you held me and told me everything
On your mind at the time, I wish to rewind and give you my life
I had some semblance of unconscious hope when I reached out to you once more
Though last time we spoke you said “I don’t hate you,” still
You said “I want to forget you,” and my little light was killed
You'll never want to measure my soul’s difference and my heart’s repentance
You are a permanent tenant as part of my penance
I must sit here and bear witness to your happiness
Yet not be a part of it, I simply smile for the entirety of your being is wondrous
Tarnished are my veins for the liquid which flows through them
Beg ownership to a person destined to such consequence
I am the unspoken memory, the dusk on the horizon
I am the melancholy symphony, a misery cypher
You are the art piece which overshadows Mona Lisa,
You are flowery fields of grace; you are the colors in bloom
The shadows of the sun and the heartbeat of the moon.