though I'm clean I cant help but miss it
the little red drops
the way I was in control of it
the stinging
the pain
its been 6 months and its all I think about
its messed up really
its something that only some will understand
even people who do it don't always get it
we just know we do it for something
I miss it
the understanding that in that very moment I'm in control of my own pain
that I'm in control and can be whenever I need to
that it doesnt all have to be mental
that I can release everything through I tiny little slit in my skin
but I cant do it again
cant break the promises
cant go back.
some days I really wish I could though.