I want to be skinned alive
Until I'm just a floating soul
bouncing around in the air
I want it all gone
The scars remind me
I'm not nearly enough strong

Loud thoughts spread
Like a virus in my mind
Spreading
Spreading
To every shred of my being
Telling me I deserve to bleed
I deserve to die
What the **** is wrong with me
Why
Why
Why

"A rising star" said the certificate of honor
I guess they were right
Stars are meant to burn
Until they explode
After all

And maybe I'm just being dramatic
Like my dad always said
Maybe it is just in my head

I know others have it worse than me
I know I can be quite annoying
Quite needy
I just love so deeply
Everything I do
Is done that way
It reminds me of when I had the knife
The blood pouring signed that I had done that deeply too
In a drawer in my bedroom is a bloodstained cloth that screams the same thing
So loudly

I'm not usually loud
I'm the kid so doesn't talk that much at school
The one who just takes the rage out in the form of doodles on the back of papers with dull pencils during class
And with sharp objects at night

"They aren't answering, they hate you"
"You're not talking enough"
"You're talking too much"
"They're definitely mad at you"
My head monster, Fred, shouts
So loud
So loud
So loud
I hate loud
I hate me

I try to reason with him
Tell him everything he's thinking is a lie
But despite it he just continues
"Die
Die
Die"

And so I hold the razor
"Bleed
Bleed
Bleed"
He continues

And I wish I knew
What I did
To deserve this