it wasn\t a fear of losing out working outside the stadium like a silver horse wizened and not a football safe atmosphere of inside violence and hate but beyond football the old tribes of europe still walk from door to door
and now looking into the repertoire of Beyonce on my own the day after i drank a little bit too much and what did Martin do when he lived with him mumma and i wonder why did he do what he did that philosophical explosion of the mind and thus in the body dwarfed a state that only Death and call Nirvana... while i'm travelling home and on the way i picked up my father's fathers' fathers bones and i could not hear the music because there was like an external overtone to the live music: there was the American Anthem medley breaking in because i just didn't like Renaissance but i tell you Cowboy Carter is a testament of a solid artist, and i'm pretty sure Martin retired working in security really lazy work i think if he only thought of that work life path and life of mine will go on i will write about and bridge the distance between river and the prism of the surf greeting earth like fire greeting air... being able to breathe but also rock that breathed.... and even cooler oh right covers covers weaving a new breed of music musicians making music listening to music like poets writing poetry after reading poetry all my internal misery i sometimes think about breaking into tears spontaneously away tearing away from everything sober and sane because it seems there's no longer a god to be sought but a friend unto my self: in the distance dot of ego somewhere in the matrix of god like the search engine Caesar...
because there was the drudgery of work but all that human interaction from a para-police or something how there are rules to the roads and to places where people congregate to celebrate now i'm choking with the words with the stink of these pages i need to find a point to relax yes a much better concert i didn't miss out i worked a beyonce concert as a steward before i was quickly promoted to supervisor without a SIA BADGE which is the basic stage of going up being promoted in a high-viz jacket like it was anything but fixing the pipes and the sewers in the end with the grump of man and all those riches elsewhere or perhaps that memory PTSD of Manchester and the potential i didn't miss much i worked one concert on entry level enjoying myself with eagle eyes of the cctv movie...
well... it's clear... Beyonce > Taylor Swift i think that little miss R could become a fan when she grows up maybe i should just play some Beyonce on the radio over there when doing something like work i didn't listen to any music when i was working i think that what stressed me out the most i think i was scary how i didn't listen to any music when i was there over on Kauai like i didn't take that part of me over there i think Grandma listened to music the radio but i mean we can't listen to Hawaiian radio we have to make our own radio i wonder if Reyla could playlists for us three one mix tape with our favorite songs and she could but it just dawned on me i could have been listening to music when doing the plumbing replacing the faucet and working on the lanai taking apart that massive cupboard that just stood there haunting but why didn't i listen to music when doing those menial tasks the menial medium of hands and eyes and perhaps mind piercing calm measured with a tanglement of raw physical ****** or the frustration fruit and now the GENIUS RADIO INTERLUDE RADIO INTERLUDE then lightning a cigarette a bit like when the Offspring oh jeez i've been to the concert and it was a perfect idea i was working so so hard i was working working so hard for the real honey i mean i need to get a--t-shirt i'm a fan **** i'm a fan i'm a fan oh **** me i'm a fan this album is like me being 15 again listening to some prog rock and wow i'm a fan
i was going to walk in on the concert but then i got some good accoustic outside so i went and bought myself three hot spicy wings and one thigh and some mayo and ketchup with some dr pepper on White Hart Lane.... Hart Lan... White Harts... Richmond F.C. i would start Richmond F.C. (north) somewhere in Enfield... just an imaginary consumption but oh dear... there are 27 songs on the album
BODYGUARD is my secret best song... i was the bodyguard or some sort of guard but as a song... it's so pop it's so neu-pop neu-pop amazing rhythm oh my god an ****** all these girls walking about but i am now seeing with a filter of marriage so just the groove of the urban jungle a little mermaid event when Poseidon comes to wrestle with Zeus over who has the right to what season Hades chose Winter and where is Our Sister: GAIA there was Zeus Hades Poseidon and Gaia because they had drawn the four seasons between them poseidon took spring and all the rains to rain on zeus' summer parade at Wimbledon joke... ******* on it... the events of man in the warm months unlike the winter months where sports dominate our coping mechanism with the banality of life sports to survive in winter but concerts in the summer collectively: to keep ourselves sober and sane and arriving at some point *****: because the song bodyguard is just that...
well indeed it then becomes this gargantuan realization that it's no longer a poem but its own self i am only the tip of the fingers off of because there's no more of that empty hurt clearly a sharp focus because i thought i told you i was bemused by my pay raise without changing uniform you know like i am a secret manager a hands on in security i think that the roles security don't work hand in hand with the "underclass" or the logistics men i greatly respect but i mean a mix of the two roles being the brawl i can show you how i can work with objects please don't put me in charge of response units let me show you how strong i am don't bring me into crab fights and ape farts i don't like those emotions but you get what i mean i was working two matches in april i worked one sitting back like a security supervisor but second day i had a revelation and incorporated parts of logistics into security a joint role i know those guys probably have records but i can't be too sure so yeah point being i took care of the arches and batteries and the fencing... and today my idea came to fruition and i was thinking about inverting the ratio of cueing queue ing i'm sort of working for a contractor let him become a sub-contractor on our books we like working with him he has good ideas and how to implement them he has become a changed man so i mean i can't explain the up on my wages i was on $18 but now i'm working for $27 an hour... i am working as a sub-contractor for Tottenham and that contract was fought for on my behalf by some manager at the company the other company i'm working with: like just please explain it why i am "working for tottenham" but actually working for a different company it would seem but thanks to them i must have got that raise and no one even told me about it... but it's easy math for 10h i am getting $270: they are those kind of hours but that's sporadic like 4 times in only a certain month whether june july or august depending on how the concert season operates but couldn't you possibly be told about a pay rise no one tells you? but you see it on paper hmm: could it be that pay rises well this is my first that's covertly in my hand and wallet i wonder because prior to whenever i got a pay rise it was only a numbers game so not really of the matter and told: oh just a little pay rise... either $2 or $1 or $3 per hour depending on "qualification" an SIA license costs around $1000 so get a $1 pay rise... but an NVQ certificate well... that's a pay rise of $2-$4 and sometimes even $7 i was once a quadrant manager at Wembley and i think i worked for $21 but that was a one off and someone called off an hour before the event and i was pushed into it... but that was like speedy gonzee and Gonzo journalism as they call it
because i don't think i ever wrote poetry about work and working and money and a literary realism beyond prior known about the nature of work and how writing is yet more work and in that work there can be work that has nothing worth containing art poetry and learning language away from children but indeed Bukowski about but merely licked the topic but maybe it was that sort of time and that sort of work like being a postman but i can't imagine being a postman today unlike say captains of container ships travelling across the seas or those strapped to lighthouses and madness but of work it can be said: that... what a strange eerie and stranger forest inscribed in it the words arbeit macht frei.... this album is illicitly making this allusion in its grandeur...
SPAGHETTI SPAGHETTI oh yes: this is where it came from the African-American lets face it whenever European came walked hand and chain to the African at some point there were kings and queen of europe and africa but how many monarchies are still in africa? Morocco Eswatini (Swaziland, formerly known) Lesotho and all that African-American energy of a woman just a specific woman like her in the voice and rhythm yeah so much appeal i remember being asked by a friend in our early 20s why didn't taylor swift type tiny girl had no feminine vibe i understood i could have translated i have stuff to do tomorrow so i am not going to lounge around: i can't just stay at home: i'll probably just go out walking so i spend more time outside the house but only because i have an aversion to cycling because i remember dreaming of thinking that using your legs for swimming would be the same as the very cerebral experience of driving a manual car i mean: it seems like an ancient art these days maybe that's why i waited so long with my driving license! maybe that's the secret why i waited so long so long to get a driving license! to have enough drivers out there only being able to drive automatic cars and here i am a manual driver i get the feel of a manual car and it's so amazing it's a drug i mean it's a drug when you get it just right and try to pretend the driving instructor is sitting there with you when you just get the gears in proper motion and you get to feel the car like you might a super horse and how different the horses used to be steered using our heels but now we have horse or rather the four horses and duck feet... flat under the fingers the positioning of the feet on the three blunts is like prepping your hands for QWERTY of able to look at screen and not at the keyboard seeing the words and not really the letters seeing the words but not really the letters... and here's to giving up smoking again maybe this time for real i think i can do that if i can stage such a good shift i mean i felt i was central and the manager worked with me and sort of taught me so maybe next time i will have that spot outside the Coliseum truly that can be a yay moment
thought it was Miley Cyrus but didn't want to say it so a duet it is and how many words can drop in between songs and thinking about the breaks thinking about the breaks recovering from all that: but if i could focus on work yesterday so the excesses i could find in Manchester If a crazed testimony of hero could have been so a downer on the poetry unless it became more and more obscure for that too is very relevant: because of shotgun shotgun being a downer a real downer of a song
SHOTGUN < skipped skipped never to be found on rewind back to the theme of cougar cowgirl and cowboy but i was in the role of actor in a role because i don't think i was an actor because no one seemed authentic but rather prolific rxage solid ink of naked rage: in a cage some return to form with the lyrics Levi Jeans i think that's how the song goes but i didn't fall in the garden i just kicked the light off i didn't drink to the point of not remembering if i fell into the trees and breaking them: no, i kept form because i knew i would have to write oh boy boy Beyonce can admire a former older singer but all her duets with women are ugly but when beyonce does a duet with a male oh boy boy all the best of her comes out but i didn't get the older sister vibe with "Meryl Streep" (look-alike)
maybe an hour has passed and in it all that is contained in an album i wonder how the album translated into a live performance with a meddley of past youthful kick-starters the youthful pop anthems that would be only crowd and radio pleasers but then the personal experience of Beyonce's music: with actual knowledge of entire albums... the gem of flamenco i don't know because that voice range is from a classical education it must be: funny fact: most musicians in Poland have had a musical education or at least did in the past not all but a large majority (if not factually correct then i'm thinking of Sting and some band from Poland) like Myslovitz or something like that....
oh YA YA and this is still the same album? was this a double album? tomorrow i'm going to the bank and i'm going to the music shop and sobering up and finding happiness in life trying to maybe think about buying a cheap car i mean i have an NPKK number so someone can check my file well: and my provisional i think maybe buying a really cheap car but then the process getting insurance oh jeez: there's that aspect of owning a car oh crap... it's not just about the driving it's about the maintaining oh man and feeling like: jeez... she's talking about getting a new car oh jeez i now see it really oh i see it but honestly that's it i can't have those days off i will have to think of something to do i mean yes talking about it but what sort of job is out there that might allow me to work in patchwork i wonder but this can't be the one album must be a double-breaker double-deck-er at least in my mind's eye the sun is shining on the corridor in my house oh louisiana i don't know how else to describe the sensation as an idea on the album: this is a beyond concept album this is unlike anything i've ever heard and i'm pretty sure: it must be under 2h and i wonder if she followed the album live i'm waiting for the song this lady talked about and jiggled to when she overheard it coming from the stadium: from atop: down down down i'm \ "creamy in the middle" doxy doxi then onto RIVERDANCE oh what an open world out there when you give yourself some focus and say: yes i will give up smoking and drinking yes the combination can only be like this a remedy prescribed not a tool to sleep they only allow me to deep sleep in excess and in return i get also short pointless nights so there is good use remedy or to tear open in celebration because you get the best night's sleep when in the same bed with her and that was very healthy and i can't really excuse: but yes: if that person doesn't become contained then you get paranoid eyes you think because it's so easy isn't not going your own way and giving away time to pointless poetry because i no longer.... let me save and observe the concept of time 7:38pm and i think i started at around 6:30pm but i can't be sure: i simply made myself coffee and
(II hands II heaven) praises o praises perhaps making my peace with jesus i think she wants that the most from me that i have to make my peace with jesus but i can't imagine being a convert to christianity away from catholicism i know that Catholicism isn't any sort of Christian denomination in America on whatever the scale is and not organised i think that's where we are conflated in that realm of life
tyrant sweet honey buckin' amen
a poem written in the time it takes to listen to Cowboy Carter the full album a poem of that kind that sort i don't think anyone has yet written a poem realistic to the time it takes to listen to Cowboy Carter i don't think music was referenced like that tyrant tyrant is she singing about her drinking habits? i wonder i think sort of cougar rapper a cougar rapper she sounds so much better with age i think that there are women like that who become better with age and **** at least i need to think about August because August is going to be completely empty so i can have my two months of summer like pretend boy but what if i buy a car in poland and drive across Europe?oh jeez... didn't think about it... that would be proof of my self i think i will need to think like that... travel across Europe... from Poland i would only miss 4 concerts but i wouldn't because i would have to drive back and i would need a phone plan maybe cheaper with calls abroad... from Poland i don't know i'm thinking i need to plan ahead i'm not thinking about a writing career in the bedroom i finally get it but that's realistic if i had to cancels but when i will actually know about the pay raise? on the 15th of July i will know about the pay rise on the 15th of July i don't know yet i think they made a mistake or something why i was paid more: is that how working in large companies works like under communism no one knew what they were earning some people earned more the misconception that there was a standard wage for all kind of jobs... would be stupid a nightmare of stupid... but true: that would be money well spent? a car in Poland? what a wild idea... a young boy dream i think and the idea of passing past Amsterdam and staying there: some wild fancy dream not for me some youthful daydream....
buckin' buckin' buckin' buckin'
at least a Sunday saved Amen...
go to the bank ask them how you're paying off your credit card whether it's debited from your account immediately after the date i will give up smoking but i will also have another coffee and i have to get rid off the idea that i would get me 2 more bottles of cider now i have a sense of hope: i now have a sense of hope with Amen and it's a song that sort of repels the whole album a thank you to god most certainly: and having completed an album oh the joy with Religion and wow... Oh jesus indeed when because to say his name jesus - after having appreciated some sort of art like an album: ends with the sound of a drop of water... p[ing! the end...