Is it normal to desire to be torn to shreds?

I carry the sins of myself ,
my mother,
my father,
I am full to the brim of shame,
horror,
regret.

As a hollow shell I find myself repulsive,
an evil I radiate.
  pain and malice seep from my fingertips.

I am not good.
was i I created yet doomed to damage?
To self destruct?
Can I not exist?

I wish to regurgitate my spine,
scrape my skin raw.

deserved ,deserved , deserved.

When did the devil begin to reside in my bones?