Shutter without color ..
In the pale moonlight.
In repose
The enigma grows
Juxtaposed my stigma
Hypnagogic state
I contemplate perfect pathways to
Rehabilitate the inner vision of how  I would prefer to be percieved.....
Even though I know even so I go .......
Cue to the inner dialog....
"Oh.....sorry. ....uhm
Uh EHHM
This time it's gonna be different!"
Ok thank you . ..Mr ego.....
Lost somewhere between delusion of gandure and  philanthropy ave.
Meanwhile
Sudueo psyco psyche
Acting as though I have no idea what's lurking under the surface.
KNOCK KNOK
*** whose here ...
shhhhhhh
No !
WHY DID YOU OPEN THE DOOR.    
You let the iniquities in
Relax bro they brought some dope ....
What they bring?
A bowl of lasciviousness.......
Paranoia sets in
As if clandestine
Locked in
the bathroom with the hot shower on and the light turnt off
eyes closed
Sweat glistening
It's hard to stay focused when it feels like someone is listening .......
I'm getting busy exacerbating......
I go from in your endos to worst case scenarios like a pinball machine.
I think about things I've said and things I didn't say and opportunity missed and the long list of things I never followed through
upon impacts
Corelate similarities
To what I've done and  Acts done to me ....
And how I react to these....
When carna gonna be here and whats she gonna bring .....will it be something severe or a bunch of little things?
Am I the only one who doesn't get to be unkind......
Is it just me or is that just in my mind
Empathize for the vision compromised
Who cannot cannot see things right
Because they lack the ability to view the world through my eyes and  thus fail to see my sacrifices.  
All the good I try to do ..
And all the goodwill I think about . . .
I really want . ...
No i really do .....
At least I think I do....
I think I think to much ....
This is what I do to relax
......
In pops a memory

My councilor keeping me after school
..trying to teach me a thing or two ...she would say you need to learn to say no ...

So shed say
"Say it!?!"
I'd say
"No!!!."
She'd say
" are you saying no to me .....or are you saying no "!?!??
I'd say idk
Oh she taught me some things .

. Back then it was cool. Now it's a felone...

I'm a good person..
Honestly
Ar least I think I am
Or maybe


only I can see me as I really am ......
...
Or do I?