I don’t want to remember the sweetest days—
not your smile, not your warmth.

I want to hold onto the days you hurt me,
the silence, the absence, the sharp edges of your words.
I want to hate you,
just enough to walk away without looking back.

But nothing is working.
Not hate, not forgetting.
Not even pretending.

Because deep down,
I know I never showed you—
not enough—
how much I loved you
in those days.

And now,
it’s terrible
to carry these feelings forward,
to move on with my heart still rooted
in yesterday’s soil.

I want to remember the bad days,
the cold,
the pain,
the distance—
anything but the way you loved me once.
Anything but the way
I fell.

Let me remember the pain, not the love.
Let me remember the hurt, not how deeply I loved you.
Because that’s what I need to survive this.