Have You forsaken me
or did I walk backward into the dark
pretending I didn't see the light behind me
I called You Lord
called You in the night
when the silence echoed so loud it sounded like judgment
Did I not cry out
Did I not beg You to see me
even as I turned my face away
Please do not remove Your Spirit from me
Not that last thread, not the final warmth
Let me carry the weight, yes
but let me carry it with You still near
Why do You say I am a worker of iniquity
I said Your name, I said it with trembling
I built altars in the ruins
I tore myself open to be filled with something clean
And still
You say, "I never knew you."
Then know me now
Not the mask, not the myth
but this bleeding thing that won't stop reaching
I am begging
Not for comfort, not for favor
just for nearness
Just for the mercy of being seen
and not cast out
If there is wrath for me, let it be honest
If there is silence, let it not be forever
But if there is still a whisper in You
let it come
Even now
Even to me
Forgive me
and my unfaithfulness