To Elaine
everything seemed large
where others
heard whispers

she heard loud bellowing
and vicious taunts
where others saw
light of day

and brilliant sunshine
she saw darkness
and storms
on the way

and the more she wanted
to hide away
from the world
the more it sought her out

like some black dog
of deep depression
at school she sat
at the front to hear

the teacher better
or at the back
to be unseen
and undisturbed

but then John spoke to her
and lifted the lid
and let in some light
and it seemed less dark

and seemed all right
but she wasn't sure
others had let her down before
pretended to be friends

or friendly then betrayed
or showed true colors
and joined the taunts
and jokes of others

the bell rang
for the end of history
and onward they all
sauntered to the next

dull lesson in little groups
or gangs or on
their own giving
chatter or joke

or idle moan
Elaine walked
just a little behind the rest
one step slowly

following the next
her frumpy being
looking through her glasses
at the passing walled art

or out of windows
showing the outer world
as large as giants
in fairy tales

she used to read
and thought
as she went by
the girl's toilets

the time she had the bleed
(none had told her
of the reason why
or when)

and she had sat there
in the stall
the splash of red
and whirling

of her head
and sat and sat
too frightened to move
until a girl

(one of the few)
knocked and asked
what she was doing?
and she said quietly

through the door
she was dying
or some such doing
she looked away

that girl had taken her
to the school nurse
and saved the day
and said nothing

to the others
as others may
have done
just for a laugh

or fun
she looked down
at her black
scuffed shoes

at the wooden floor
at the moving feet
just ahead
then he touched her arm

in passing
John on his way
to boring maths
he said

and smiled
and was gone
but she carried
his smile

and words
inside her head
like caged
wild birds.