A PYGMY CANNIBAL ATTACK - Bob was a nice guy who used laser beams to take a crap till his phony friend Betty said: "Bob, you shouldn't use laser beams to take a crap. I use railroad spikes. They work slower but they never crack." Bob smiled, his jagged teeth catching the moon's putrid light. "Betty, you may be right about that. Perhaps I should switch from lasers to spikes? Here, take this shower curtain and wrap my dead chihuahua in it. He gave his life to save me from a Pygmy cannibal attack."; "He was a brave little dog," Betty sobbed as she slipped a small pipe bomb up Bob's ****** for fun.