Eloquent. Conscientous.
I was a model student.
I was a girl with a sleek
Ponytail, glasses poised
On the bridge of my nose.
Careful. Reserved. Moral.
Did I laugh because I felt
I had to? Was the enjoyment
Real, or did I convince myself
That life was full, when it was
An empty jar, flies buzzing
Over the perforated top?
Beaming. Intelligent. Joyful.
How did I manage to hide
All of my woes? Did no one
Truly suspect my grand act?
I thought I was truthful. I
Thought I knew myself.
Graceful. Observant. Kind.
I was self-conscious that
I smelled of salt—dried tears
On my clothes I didn’t want
People to find, not while I was
The bright light they had come
To expect. Was this wrong?

Doubtful. Pessimistic. Empty.
What words truly describe me?