The stars didn’t align like how I thought they would.
I used to sit on my stoop late at night
Gazing up at the stars and begging for the universe to take me.
Fill my lungs with stardust instead and let me go to the home
My heart never ceased aching for.
I equated their twinkling to laughter,
I imagined them trading bets on how long they could wait
Until I took matters into my own hands.
How many times I would fail until one of them took pity on me.
Shooting stars like shooting dice and passing satellites
Like the scrolling KENO screen at the celestial casino.

I shouldn’t have survived those nights.
I was their underdog racehorse beating the odds again and again and again.

I felt the universe looking down gently upon me,
Pulling out an ancient coin in their heavenly hands
To finally flip and decide once and for all if I shall stay or go.
And as the coin flipped, my world imploded.
Wrapped in a cosmic blanket I stood face to face with the sun.
Bright, warm rays enveloped me, a light more beautiful than I’d ever known before.
He said to me “it hurts to become” and I knew what he meant but
I wanted to be as powerful, proud, and warm as him.
The coin landed.
And courageously,
I became.