The world is dark tonight,
as it pours
pours out ,
my soul within  it
the lonlieness is like a scar within me
my face hardens i feel jealousy envy and so much pain
i see others around me so loved with friends a partner
and I ask why not me ?
I am just as worthy as others
and I have been trying for years of my life to heal
feels like I have been given some of the hardest battles to fight
and I just want out alot
But I can't help it
I want friends I want to be alive
even though only now am I learning the super basics
in how to be a human
in what it means to be alive slowly
in how to cook how to eat how to clean
and maybe even how to sleep
how to care for myself
watching movies shows pop culture and music
that most have watched and seen their whole life
while my life was sheltered by viscious abuse
and by totalitarian cults.
hoping the darkness ignites the darkness in me
and I will find my place within it
with my people inside of it.