if I could never wake up again, I'd pay a million dollars.
Instead of being in pergatory where the sun shines, and the sky's blue
where people laugh, and smile and yet
for me all I see is the gray against the gray that is my life
the sadness that fills from an everlasting well
to which others quench their fill of their grief or sorrow
only to leave me alone once again.

there is no rock bottom
no ending to the hole that I am falling through
As I fall I see good things, and when I was young
I believed that they meant I was going up
only I realized these were the good things that people left behind
as I descend into nothingness

If I could **** myself I would
Death does not scare me
I see it as a end
an escape
a finale
the last movement. But
that's out of the question.

because there is one thing left to do.
To love someone and be loved with all my heart and soul.
However, that too is out of the question
For who would fall in love with me?

The friends that I cherish I cannot leave because I care about them too muc
The music that I love I care about too much
But the pain and suffering that is acquainted with it
is too much for me to bear.

I imagine the sound of a thousand screeching nails against a chalkboard
or a hundred wailing babies
All I hear is the screaming in my end to quit and give up on this life.
Minute by Minute
Second by second.

All people want in this life is to be understood.
An impossible task for someone like me
For who can understand me?