THE STRONGEST CANADIAN IN MANITOBA and his wife drove their Subaru to the edge of the steepest cliff in the province's northern quadrant to commit suicide. They sat side-by-side and romantically kissed one another when suddenly a phone call came in from Big Nig McJohnson, a close friend, begging them to reconsider. This only angered the couple who nastily told Big Nig to "*******!" and "Shove it up your ***!" and "Your mother wears army boots!" Undeterred, Big Nig told them a story of a ****** birth that happened 2,000 years ago near Afghanistan but it made no difference and the next day the strongest Canadian in Manitoba and his wife were found at a bowling alley violating the Will of Jehovah and everybody in the weight-lifting community were so let down by this un-Christian behavior that they ate worms and took off their underpants and moved to Haiti to live in the jungle and eat mud.