This day every year hits me hard
it makes me feel two parts nostalgic and
Three parts miserable

i'm just a little bit ****
a little bit shaky
a little bit to achey for you

Or maybe i always was
the insatiable appetite i have for you is killing me inside
Slowly and painfully
i never thought it was this painful to miss someone so much
I think the reason i cannot detached these feelings i have for you is because
You are the only pure, true happiness i've ever known
you're the only light i've ever had
If i were ever to stop feeling that for which i feel for you i think i would feel
empty
I am Empty.

You are detrimental to my health
especially my mental health
because it shouldn't be healthy to feel such a
Cocktail of emotions all at an instance
for one person
that's what causes heart attacks
You are a bus traveling at 50 mph with no intention of stopping
and i am in the middle of the road
You are a blood clot in my brain and you are much to close to an artery
you are water that rushes into my lungs and
weighs me down
I am Unconscious.

That date was and always will be the first time i ever felt something break within me
and the day you find someone else
And you look happier then you ever did with me
my heart will break again, in 4 parts
you left me there in my own mess
It felt like a shot coursing through my veins
it's similar to the first time you fracture a bone
or when you cannot get the toy you want
When you see an animal die in a movie
it can't physically be your heart breaking
but it sure feels like something has shattered
Inside you
and for some time afterwards you still feel the pieces of whatever has damaged still in the place
Where it broke
you carry them with you in hope they will dissolve quickly
They cause internal injuries and you bleed from within
But all of a sudden, you feel nothing
nothing at all
I am Numb.

                      *******! you stole my ability to feel!
I cannot show affection for anything anymore
that container is empty
maybe one day the ink that fuels my sentiment for you into these words will run dry
And i can regain some sort of feeling besides emptiness
|100%|
longing for you
|94%|
bitterness
|90%|
Can it subside?
it's just odd how i can have all this inside me and to you it's just words
If writers write about the things that are haunting them then your ghost is still here
in my head
Living a comfy residence where it is not welcome
i look for you in everyone
there is no longer a woman inside me
Just this tiny little thing that shouts all the time and only wants one thing
true in her devotion
She wants you and she wants to know why you gave up and left me when i needed you
you're still inside of me like a disease
And i am still here surviving solely on your memory
everything reminds me of you
Everything
i have died and come undone at your hand
I am Heartbroken and in Love
with you.