i know she told you she loves you
i see it in the shimmer of your eyes.
you think of
running your hands through her hair
and galaxies start expanding
in your pupils
i know this because
i wore that same look
when i thought of you,
when i traded my mind for a brothel,
bartered pieces of my soul
to fit inside your mold

you come to me,
your voice laced with reverence,
and then tell me how beautiful she is
when I'm still intoxicated by that
fleeting summer day
you called me by the same

see, i could fracture myself and
reshape my whole body,
rewire the circuits in my brain and
become a composite
of everyone you’ve ever loved
but i could never
be new to you again.
i know you crave what’s untouched,
and I'm starting to decay.

if i could just twist back time
i wouldn’t taste your love again,
but stand outside this brothel,
neon lights flickering like dying stars,
and drag myself away

I've always known-
if it had been different,
if you ever had been capable
of loving me the way
i broke myself to deserve
i wouldn’t have reduced myself to dust
for a molecule of your affection

i was just a number.
i think she is too.
but if she’s the one who remakes you,
while I’m left here
alone in this labyrinthine hell-house,
I’ll sink into
the darkest caverns of myself.