"He may have had good intentions—pushing you."

You are the only person who has ever made me feel this conflicted. Maybe I needed the push, but why does it sting? Why does it feel less like guidance and more like a wound that never heals?

You have always made me angry at the world, at myself. I push myself past exhaustion because you have made me so afraid to fail. How can you still see me as the same weak child? You know how I've changed. How I stay on my feet from dawn until dusk. Yet, you only ever see where I fall, never where I stand tall. And when life is unkind to me, you never fail to remind me that it is my own fault. More than two decades have passed, but your voice still shakes me more than the world ever could.

You always told me to speak, to open up, to step into the world with confidence. But have you ever wondered why I stay silent? Why I shrink and shut down before I can even communicate? Why I feel insecure in my relationships? Why I have the tendency to leave?

You deserve to be loved because you were there, because you provided. But truth be told, I am broken and you played a part.