I carry the unfixable
in the cavity of my chest
where my own life used to
beat

if I stop  talking about him
he will die all over again

if I do not
say his name
it will be as if
it never existed

so I carry
his memory, his lifeblood
sacrificing my own

and talk
and say
and pray

that history
will not erase him
from the pages
of the countless
who are also being

carried

as a crystal memory