I close my eyes
For minutes
Or perhaps hours
Lost in an ocean of questions
Too many

Is it okay to feel joy
Or even more
While others cannot?
Is it okay to share my happiness
When others struggle just to live?
Is it okay to ignore the sorrow around me
Just for a moment
To hold on to this fleeting smile
Because I don’t know how long it will last?

I know I deserve to be happy.
I know I deserve to hold it close
To make it linger
But don’t they deserve it too?
Don’t they?

And yet
I’m sorry
In this moment
I need to be selfish.
No.
I have to be selfish.
To feel alive.
To survive.

That’s okay, right?