emaciated by the thought of what has been done to this body
continuously checking my breath
the way it rises and falls
hypervigilant of my pulse
the way it races up and down my neck.

used to spend days inside my head
outside of this body I was trapped inside.
but now I am coming to terms
with coming home to this place
I have abandoned for so long.

feeling for the first time in my whole life
and so now I experience everything, fully.
trying to compartmentalize catastrophizing
and hypochondriasis
but they always find a way through.

these emotions are still just children
temper tantrums and attention seeking
I honor them as they speak a language
I never felt safe enough to explore.
Sensitivity ripples through me
just a blank stare on the bedroom floor
wondering how I am immobilized
by an unanswered text
by my upstairs neighbors
by a knock at the door.

she lives inside me
the little girl needing comfort and safety
and I will hold her hand every step of the way
watching as this repression
lifts
slowly.