they say time is a construct, so i've measured your absence in other ways:
the number of voicemails to your phone
flowers i've laid by your name
visits to your parents...

i still miss you, but not in the way that i did last january
i miss you in the way that the sky misses the sun
with an acceptance that dark comes but light can follow.

it's been a year
and i still promise that i'll be a good human
that i'll be kind and loving
so that anyone who knows me knows you.

when i see you in my dreams
please don't be surprised when i hug you a little tighter
and i hold you a little longer.

please understand
there is a you-shaped hole in my heart
that no one will fill.

please know that when i said forever
i meant it.

i hope all is bright in heaven.

i love you.