today my therapist told me that i'm depressed
and i wasn't surprised and i felt almost
vindicated
like when i dislocated my knee and spent months yelling at doctors
no no can't you see
something's wrong i can't walk right
it hurts to stand
it hurts to move
and then when my physical therapist finally figured out what was wrong
yeah it sucked to be told my legs were fucked up
but finally somebody SAW
somebody GOT IT
after i had surgery to fix my knee, it got worse for awhile
but now it just comes in waves
my bad days are a lot like my bad knee
some days i only remember there was ever a problem if i see the six inch scar on my right shin
but some days the pain makes it so i cant walk down the stairs of my apartment building
some days i don't think a single bad thought, and i can almost forget everything that happened
but some days my anxiety is so bad and i'm so depressed i can barely breathe
my knee surgery was three years ago and i still can't run a mile or walk down stairs without feeling pain
i try to keep that in mind when i remember how long it's been since i finally got away from my father but it's hard
it's hard because everyone can see the scars on my leg and say
oh what happened? are you okay?
no one can see inside my brain or see the surface of my heart and say
oh god, what happened to you?
so when my therapist told me i was depressed
would it be crazy if i said i felt a little relieved?