I once said I love myself
in a desperate plea,
to love myself,
a desperate plea to feel
something.
I heard once that
you can't love others if you
don't love yourself,
And I couldn't relate to
that because I did-
I do-though my love then
and now
looks different,
feels different.

Love for me then was
a desperate plea
for acceptance,
of wanting to feel
connected,
through escapism.
It's ironic how I
desperately
wanted acceptance for
things
I myself rejected,
tossed aside
considered unimportant

I guess love changed for
me
when the oceans wave's
were crying out-
rooted in deep pain
and fear, it escaped.
The eyes ran from
connections.
love then was all about
self-blame,
anger, and questions-
so many questions.

Love was scared to feel
to speak.
love wanted to be alone,
tired of pouring
from an empty cup.

How does love feel now?
Love now feels revived,
alive.
Love is floating in the
ocean,
serene, a calm ocean
breeze.
Love understands that
love start from within
and overflows to others
love is learning to
understand me,
learning to feel,
to speak, sing, to dance.
Love now looks at love then
and shares what was
deprived.  
Love looks over at love then
and hugs her,
reminds her
she too deserves love