immensity scares me.

some nights I will dream of being lost in the ocean, seeing nothing but immense bodies of water for hundreds of thousands of miles.

I will wake up in one swift breath to an empty bed and remember that you aren't there.

the immensity of that statement is enough to make me lean over the porcelain bowl and rid myself of missing you.

you make me write half-finished poems.
you fill my head with juxtaposition.

you feel like a black hole that I keep reaching into to find something that I lost long ago.

I seem to keep trying to fit the whole ocean into one dusty old wine bottle, although I know it is physically impossible.

I know one day the glass will shatter.

a million shards, cutting flesh and spilling feelings.

I do not want you.
I want him.

I want everything he has and I want him so immensely that his immensity doesn't scare me.

he doesn't scare me like you do.
he comforts me in every way possible.

and I love him.
not you;
never you.