do you ever wish your body just wasn't your body?
that every cell
of every square inch
of every limb
over your entire body
was completely different
that every cell
of every square inch
of every limb?

do you ever wish that nothing about you was you?
and you know that if your mother knew of your sins
she would cry
and there's nothing you can do
to stop those tears
you know
your mother would cry
if she knew of all your sins?

do you ever wonder if your friends would be your friends if they knew
the awful horrible things about you?
do you ever wonder if they'd stop calling
if they knew all the times you swore
you pleasured yourself
you killed them in your mind
you let something awful
horrible
terrible happen
that would make them never
ever
want to see you again?

do you ever wonder if God gave up on you?
do you know He always gives people second chances?
and thirds?
and fourths?
and fifteen thousands?
but do you wonder if after five-trillion-
four-hundred-billion-
-two-hundred-thirty-seven-mi­llion-
three-hundred-thousand-
and-eight
He finally said
"You know, I gave this guy
(or girl)
plenty of chances,
but they messed it up five-trillion-
four-hundred-billion-
-two-hundred-thirty-seven-mi­llion-
three-hundred-thousand-
and-eight
times
and that's just one too many."



i do.