I walked wistfully along the vibrant street.

Shoppers overloaded with gifts for their nearest and dearest passed me by without a second glance.

I was failing.

Spotting an empty bench,
I saddled my weary body down.

The air was full of busyness and expectation.

Solitude had accompanied me.
I fought hard to ignore
this unwanted friend.

I watched
as all around became a blur.


Where is this place?


How did I get here?


Am I alive or passing through?


A small bauble rolled into view,
gently brushing against my foot.

"I'm sorry, love.. it's so busy.."

Looking up, I locked eyes
with a kind looking woman.
She was smiling and seemed like
she was working something out.

"Hello, you!"

I kind of recognised her,
"Hello.", I responded.

"It's me, Mary.
You know,
the girl you left behind at high school."

Everything came flooding back;


Mary, yes Mary.
My childhood sweetheart.


"Mary, I can't believe it's you.
You look great. How are you?
Married? Children?"

She placed the bauble
into a heavy looking bag, perhaps
full of decorations for the festive season,
then sat next to me.

"I did marry but it came to an end
after twelve years.
No kids I'm afraid.
He wasn't the fatherly type."

Mary was always a good soul.
It's a shame.
I'm sure she would of loved
to of had a family.

"What are you doing here, Mary?
I thought you lived up North."

"I moved after the marriage
went to ***.
I've been back just over a year.
Listen,
do you want to grab a coffee
and you can tell me all about you?"


Tell her what?


That I'm a failure?


That I suffer with mental illness?


That I don't even work for a living?


"Erm.. Mary.. I.."

She took my hand,

"You forget,
your mum knows my mum.
I know what you've been through.
I am so sorry.
If you let me, I'd like to listen."

I nodded.


Solitude was no longer my friend.