I am forever in a state of delusion and dreaming that blinds me from reality

I spend hours imaging the most perfect version of myself that I want to be but fail to be
I convince myself reality is like what I’m conjuring up the realisation that it's not, crushes me
I am always surprised every time
Like it's something new

I am standing behind myself waiting to step inside myself and embrace reality and embrace the person I am but I cannot because I hold my hopes in the person I could be

Sometimes I feel like I want to step outside of myself but every
attempt I always fall off a cliff

I want to peel these layers of ******* I am hiding under

I am searching for the calm
An end to these hideous emotions that have become a burden

Dizzy from going around in circles in this tiny world with such an insignificant existence
Repeating the same behaviours
Being eaten by the same conflictions
I have been fighting demons for years
And I have spent a decade fighting myself when I should've been happy

Sometimes it feels as though the
walls inside my head are caving in
My head is caving in
Scraped knees, dirt in my finger
nails from the muddy ground of
my tortured mind in a vain
attempt to crawl through the
spaces back to reality again

A prisoner of my own mind
how does one escape
themselves?!
I can't find the door
There are too many corridors
and clutter
I have to create my own door
Through the top of my  head