I hear sirens again and suddenly I'm back
Buried in layers and layers of this mask that I put on
Drowning in the addiction of the red lines coming undone
Feeling numb for the pain and wanting more
More
More
More
M   o    r      e
I don't feel good
Maybe some lemonade?

Sounds echo around me
It's almost like I'm on a really fast carrousel
My whole body tingles
I see my half empty glass of lemonade, standing in a wet puddle
There's lemonade on the ground
I'm confused
What happened?
I feel like I'm gonna throw up
****
What the hell did I do
Did I cross the line?
Could I have died if I had done it slightly different?
****
Am I going to die?
****
What should I do?
I can't call someone
But what if I black out again?
**** it
911
**** why did I do that

7 minutes
I can hear the sirens approaching

Checking
I'm fine
I'm not dying
Why did I call?
I shouldn't have called
I ask if I can go back inside
I can't
They have to take me because I did it myself
****
I shouldn't have called
I throw up on the way

I'm waiting
Everything is blurry
I'm completely numb
I cry
I text my therapist the updates
I'm panicking
I don't want people to know
But I don't have the money to pay this
I need to tell my parents
****
It's 2am

I'm back in my room
I'm still haunted by what happened
I'm scared
I miss it
I hate that I miss it
I'm better now
I think
Not really
I only made it worse