Lately
I find myself missing people a lot
People that were part of a past life
that i cannot live anymore
Am i so different now
with a different face and background
that our relationship had to change so much?
since when did every aspect of life
depend on appearance and *** *****
because i genuinely felt everything i fed to you
and just because i deceived you
does not cancel out
what you did to me
before and after
why were you so sorry before
but now dont mention it?
do you remember me at all?
not the appearance
but me? my personality?
i. am. the. same. person.
I am she who laughed at all of your jokes
everyone's, all the time, because i know how good it feels to seem funny
I am she who did your essays for you
because even though i was two grade levels below you, you seemed to need the help
even though you never motivated me to do mine, or helped me with my work
I am she who was there for everyone
every time anyone needed anything
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relationship problems
suicidal
i. was. always. there. for you
even though none of you ever knew what to say when i was the one
triggering on my past
or as you didn't know, my present
and regardless of all of the ****
you knew
and all of the ****
you didnt
you ****** me over
time and time again
and made my last moments miserable
because you are the one that took everything from me
that's all you could ever be to me now
the one that ruined everything, everything that should have ended a long time before then,
i shouldnt hold a grudge
because it needed to be done
but it's hard to look back at our relationship
and see good
because looking back, all i did was work for you
help you in all of the ways that i could
and all you did is hurt me
shove me down
turn everyone against me
and then befriend them
make a club of people hating me
just like middle school
you made me relive one of the worst days i had that year
but over a period of a few days
and it's hard, so hard to not get heated with you
but i cant help this burning desire to ask.. why?
not why did you do it to me
you dont know, i know you, you know nothing,
but why do i miss you?
I can hardly remember a time when i wasnt mad at you for something,
the only good memories were of you embarrassing yourself,
so why do i just want to go stalk your page
and work up the courage
to talk to you again
because i know as soon as i do
you will make me mad again