We’re always taught in English lessons
That in language, less is more
So why say ‘lady of the night’
When you can just say ‘*****’?

Why on earth say ‘*******’
When you can just say ‘****’?
And why on earth say ‘faecal matter’
When you can just say ‘****’?

Why say ‘gluteus maximus’
When you can just say ‘****’?
Saying ‘*****’ instead of ‘****’
Is a total ******* farce

Saying ‘****** *******’
Instead of saying ‘****’
Is a bit like saying ‘waterborne bird’
Instead of saying ‘duck’

Why would you say ‘I didn’t enjoy it’
Instead of ‘it was crap’?
And why say ‘could you please be quiet for a moment?’
Instead of ‘shut your ******* trap’?

That last one’s a bad example
It appears forceful and rude
I suppose the point I was trying to make
Is that swearing ain’t always crude

If you think a lack of necessity
Is a reason not to swear
Then prepare to ****** all unnecessary things
From out your tender care

Chuck away your scatter cushions
And candles you’ll never burn
If you don’t throw away your cookie jar
This debate will be adjourned

For a lack of true necessity
Doesn’t make something offensive
Cursing has too many critics
That’s why I’ve come to defend it

And if you disagree with me
Prepare to bare the brunt
You may think I’m ‘******’
But I think you’re a ****!