breath looms in an airless space

the possible trace of us

i spin in whirling cycles, trying not to let my thoughts overtake me / wishing the sadness could last a little longer / trying to sleep.

it has been so long since i have experienced debilitating pain

even when his whispers linger in threatening taunts
even when i forget my own name

let this happiness be eternal
like an elixir of life, fueling
like i always used to feel
where did the misery come from?

romantic projections. idealizing self-harm. keeping balloons here with me, on the ground, instead of letting them float away. i am not who i always was. i stagger and side-step on tops of beams of certainties. keep things too close to me. document every feeling. hold on to the pain. nurture the sadness

i am getting quite bored now, goodbye