its making me sick
i feel so empty
i want to go back
to the time
before you murdered
who i was.

i lost my self
i lost my religion
i lost my life.

i lost you.

and when i was with you
that's when everything was perfect.

my life has been a downfall
i did not want to live anymore
but here i am
despite it all
not killing myself.

but the road ahead
is IMMENSE suffering.
it takes all my strength
to go on like this

living imperfectly

i am alive

and this sick,
nerve wracking,
perfectionism
is deeply rooted in me
like a ****.

i am living!
i am alive!

with a deep void inside myself
an internal hunger
oh god, why do i do it?!
it eats me up
its a black hole

so far
living life
has not been worth it

yet i fight
for no reason.

if i give up
what good would that do?

maybe
just maybe
i'll have the power
to make it perfect
all over again.