COULD IT BE A KELTIC RELIC FROM AN ANCIENT PEA-GREEN SEA? It was in queen Lizzie's cellar for 500 years before it disappeared. WHAT WAS IT? It weighed 9,000 tons and couldn't even be lifted by 20,000 godless Egyptians. It was a gift from Elohim for modern corporators & syndicators who butchered crocodilians & alligators. It stumped the choppers and chopped the stumpers. It came with fenders and chromium bumpers. It made the king sad and fair maidens service men who were eternally bad. It was everything, yet nothing at all as it grew less popular than Sears in Sarasota Mall. WHAT WAS IT ANYWAY, this thing that made gay men pay? Who can say?