I'm in an underground labyrinth searching for the exit my whole life
everything seems like I took a wrong turn leading me deeper into the darkness
if I see light
how do I know if it's just a flashlight or a trick
or the sun the taste of freedom or liberation
do I follow the light and feed into the potentially false hope
and let me fall into despair once again
or do I even want to escape anymore
this labyrinth is all I know
what would I do with my life if I found the door leading me out
away from the horrors of my life
how would I even be able to adapt to this new life full of smiles and sunlight
maybe I'll stay here in my darkness
alone with my thoughts that torture me
yeah, it hurts but it's my normal
just like the scars on my arms
begging to be reopened
to have red spill down my wrists
to stain my sleeves
I can handle hoodies in the summer
If I've done it before
I can do it again
they all tell me to not do it again
but I don't want to listen to them
they say there are so many coping skills that will make you feel better
but those people haven't put a blade to their wrist and watched the blood trickle out
to feel the sting the adrenaline the pain
it's everything I need and want
don't take away something that actually helps me
I can swallow all these pills but that isn't gonna do anything good
if I hear “just be mindful” or “use mindfulness, it'll be the cure” one more time
I might scream until I go deaf and lose my voice
no one seems to listen to what I say
it's like I'm all alone in a crowded room no one sees me
they all look through me like I'm not even there
like I don't exist