When Obama was little, he wore glasses, big ones made by communists. He had a friend named Melvin who could store cheese in his ears for up to 12 days. One day, as Obama & Melvin were eating cheese, the sweet bird of paradise landed on a nearby bush. "Look," Melvin whispered with his head cocked upward like a forest ranger addicted to Dristan, "that bird looks exactly like my neighbor who was eaten by cannibal Pygmies 7 years ago."